I am now 5 months into being a mom again and boy has it been interesting. I thought I remembered so much about Mckenna's life, but as it turns out I don't. I don't remember these early months and especially the newborn stage. I guess sleep deprivation might have something to do with that. I feel I am doing things differently this time around and on one hand that is wonderful but on the other it makes me kind of sad knowing I am parenting differently because of my life experience. Mckenna had the young naive mom who went with societal "norms". I must admit that social media has made me feel worse about how I want to parent because it feels like it's the "wrong" way. I didn't have that influence with Mckenna but still must have felt it on some level because I remember not wanting to "spoil" her by holding her too much or giving in so easily to her needs (tears). This time around I am doing what feels natural. I let him nap on me 9 times out of 10, I safely bed share when needed (though he sleeps in his pack in play at night most of the night), I pick him up when he cries. I think parents need to do what they need to do but I wanted to do things differently than what has become the "norm". I have started following this mom on IG who has brought me such peace because she educates on what is biologically normal for babies and children. It is biologically normal for a baby to want to be near their mom and the mom to want to be near her baby. It is biologically normal for a baby to wake up frequently and need to be held/fed. To be close while sleeping, to be rocked to sleep, to feed to sleep. Temperament matters and it's not one size fits all approach. I will not be sleep training Emerson. I cannot handle the cry it out method on any level and it does not feel right for me. The more I learn about how it affects their little brains the more convinced I am that I am doing what is best for me and Emerson. Her name is Rachel and her IG name is Heysleepybaby if you find yourself wanting to do things a little different and need some guidance on ways to help your baby sleep but in a very gentle way. I feel providing eduction and allowing people to take what works for them and leave the rest is better than just providing one way because "society" tells you that's the way to do it.
As a new mom again, my social media feed was filled with sleep training posts and people posting all the schedules and ways they got their baby to sleep and self soothe so young. I was feeling like I was doing something wrong and also going against my instincts and mama gut (GRRR). That is great if that works for you but not everyone can live that way and I wasn't seeing a whole lot of alternatives. Once I started to see an alternative that felt right in my soul, I was relieved. Parenting is hard and you have to make decision after decision and hope those decisions don't cause harm. Emerson will figure it out and one day he won't need me to nap, won't wake up in the middle of the night and will sleep through the night in his time. I am here to be his safe place, his reassurance, his security. I am finding more and more moms who follow what feels right for me. If you're interested in more info, here is one of the moms I found.
https://raisedgood.com/sleep-through-night-self-soothing-good-babies-stop-setting-mothers-to-fail/
On the hard days I remind myself that this won't last forever. It goes by so fast. He's a baby and needs me in ways he won't one day. The baby snuggles won't last. I am blessed enough to get this time with him. He is reminding me that there is life out there to show him and makes me want to be a better mom, wife, human. I love my little family.
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