Monday, October 18, 2010

Stormy Days

As I lay in the grass with Mckenna I stare up at the sky. I turn to look at the clouds that seem to be forming as I lay there. I watch as it takes shape and changes little by little. I close my eyes and when I open them it has completely changed. Clouds remind me of life and how fast it can change, clouds can make a sunny day into a dark day, a dark day into a sunny day, a calm day into a stormy day. I am reminded that this is a lot like grief. In one minute you could be having a sunny day when all the sudden the clouds roll in turning your day dark. The wind starts blowing, the rain starts to come down. your afraid you will drown, but just as quickly as it came it is gone. The rain stops, the wind dies down and the clouds slowly disappear letting the sunshine thru until the next storm blows in. Storms come and go and sometimes after a storm it leaves a beautiful sunset reminding you to look at the beauty that the storm can bring, as painful as the storm was it leaves behind a gift. Hold on to those gifts and treasure them till the next storm rolls around and places a new gift in your hands.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

To SEE or Not to SEE

When I look at the world around me I am just amazed at how people are so in their own little world they don't take the moments in life to SEE what is around them. When I walk into a store I look at the people around me and I wonder what there life has been like.I wonder what struggles they have faced, what they struggle with everyday. Or I wonder if they have yet had to face the worse things that will happen to them in their life. I look at mothers or parents with their children and SEE how some are so out of tune with their children and wonder if they have ever thought what life would be like without them. If they look at their children and think to themselves how lucky they are that they have them and wouldn't or couldn't live life without them. I too am guilty of just looking straight ahead of me and not SEEing the things around me, but as time goes on I have tried to make it a point to SEE the bigger picture. To SEE the beauty in everyday life when some days it is such a struggle to SEE past the pain that is in my heart and soul. The days that take my breath away and make me wonder why I even take one more breath. Then I SEE Mckenna's beautiful face and amazing smile and I am reminded that I need to take that breath for her. I could walk through this world blind to the things around me, but I choose to SEE even the smallest measure of joy in everyday life. No matter how small it may seem if it brings me any measure of joy I take that moment and hold on to it with both hands and embrace it until the moment I feel that joy again. I try and SEE the things around me and just take a minute to live in that moment and forget just for a moment my struggles to breathe without my daughter.