Sometimes people come into your life and completely change how you see things and challenge you and all you are. This has happened to me yet again. Sometimes someone will present a question to me that will make me think. Those are what I call challenge questions. This new beautiful soul that has come into my life did just that. She saw something in me that I never told her and asked me a question that has once again brought on a new challenge. If you really know me you would know that, I like to put myself in situations that make me grow and become. Over the past year I have really gone over the top with challenges. Moving out on my own, working at PCH, doing my internship with crisis response, all of which have made me grow more than I ever thought possible.
When I moved out on my own I was terrified. The empty and lonely really hit me hard and I found myself in such a dark place that brought me to my knees. Though without those experiences I wouldn’t have seen my abilities to overcome and move forward. In many ways I have grown living on my own, though it has caused me to isolate myself. I am alone more often than many know and this has actually caused me more anxiety, which grows more and more as time goes on. After my beautiful soul friend asked me this challenge question it sent me into challenge mode. She was right in more ways than one and it really made me think, so in which started my next challenge within myself to help me grow and become. She mentioned to me about a friend who needed a roommate. Something felt right about this to me and it became the center of my thoughts. I needed a positive change in my life, one that won’t cause me pain all the time (PCH has made me grow, but causes more pain than people know). I need to laugh more, socialize more, get out of my comfort zone, and this is what I will be doing. I will be moving next week and I have so many emotions running through me. I am nervous, scared, excited, worried, anxious, and curious to see how everything works out. I am the type to go with my feelings and gut and something feels so right about this move. I will be meeting new people, living in a new city (which is like a foreign land to me) and finding the happiness and joy that I know I can have. I am working so very hard to find my way in this thing called life, without the one thing that brought me pure joy and happiness.
I am still very much amazed by the people that have come into my life and how much they have made an impact on me. I have been able to walk this journey of grief because of these beautiful souls. I have grown as a human being in more ways than one, and I owe it to a little girl who looks out for her mommy. I do believe she is the reason for these beautiful souls, the reason her mommy is still moving forward. I have wanted to give up many times, but when I feel that way another beautiful soul is guided into my path. I am listening to the whisper in my ear and I know things will work out the way they are meant to….. as long as I keep listening.
Here’s to a new adventure, here’s to growing and becoming…..Challenging myself is keeping me alive.