Not long ago one of my soul sister friends said to me, fight for your healing. This has been weighing heavy on my heart lately because I have not been fighting for my healing.
Those who know me very well know that I am kind of a melancholy person. I have always been this way even as a child. I guess maybe I was born this way and when you are born with a certain personality trait it is hard to be anything else. I may not be able to fully get rid of the inner melancholy but I can at least try and find things that bring me out of my shell, things that make me laugh, things that require me to step outside of my comfort zone. Sitting in my room by myself all the time is not healthy (yes I still do this).
Darkness continues to fall upon me more often than not. The older I get the harder it is to wade through the dark to find the light. I try and allow it to come and go but when it comes so frequently I become discouraged and disappointed in myself causing the cycle of self loathing. Living life isn’t easy for someone like me. Something has to change but I know I am the only one who can make those changes.
The questions that go through my mind are, where do I begin when it feels so overwhelming? How do I allow myself to be completely vulnerable without fear taking over? How do I get the life I envision when darkness seems to be so powerful?
I am not getting any younger and life is passing me by. Fear holds me back and that fear is holding me back from truly living. With all the experience and personal knowledge of how short life is, you would think this human experience wouldn’t be such a struggle.
I'm sure I have been on this quest before and have written about it but maybe now I am ready to try harder to live life and fight for my healing. I need to do something or else the darkness may take over and I won’t come out the other side….here's to fighting for my healing.