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Closing the Book of my Childhood...




Growing up I went to my Nana and Papa's house frequently. She would keep us weeks at a time in the summers. Nana was for a grandmother but also didn't take any back talk or attitude. When I was 10 years old, I moved in with Nana and Papa. My room was downstairs, without a door and had the washer and dryer in the room. Eventually they put on saloon like doors for a little privacy. I lived there until I turned 13. Big years living with your grandparents. Vital years really, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I always felt connected to my Nana. We were a lot a like. I still wonder what she would think of me now and how I turned out.


I would help around the property, help plant cactus (and laugh hysterically together after because we were so sweaty and gross), helped feed the animals, water the trees, water the plants, ride my bike all the time. I actually played out doors every day. Sometimes I was allowed to eat ice cream for dinner when no one wanted to cook.

My Papa was my alarm clock. He would wake me up every morning for school. He would drive me to the bus stop and wait with me until it came. He would take me to my dentist appointments. He would make fires in the fireplace, always made the best fires. I would call them Papa fires. He would make breakfast. My favorite was always his biscuits and gravy (prior to my vegetarian lifestyle). When my mom was visiting, we would end up in Nana and Papa's bed talking, laughing, requesting Papa to bring us our coffee (in a whiny voice) and sure enough he would deliver.



Their house was home. For 33 years I have been going down to their property that I still refer to as Nana and Papa's and very soon it will no longer be a part of my life. I had never imagined not ever going down there. Losing my Papa recently has opened to the door to the reality of losing a piece of my childhood. Closing the door to a huge part of my past that connects me to everyone I have lost. It's a big deal for the whole family. We all have a connection to that property. We all have our own memories, our own stories, our own history with the property. I am going to miss my Papa and I am going to miss the house. Never easy saying goodbye....


Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 1, 2018 at 10:10 PM

    I just saw that you had bought a cake for a random person in memory of your daughter. I am not somebody easily moved, but this really struck a cord with me. I wanted to tell you that I feel so much for your loss, and I know how much writing helps me get thru times of darkness. Be strong, Ashley, be that amazing giving person that you are. Thank you for showing light and goodness in such a harsh world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AshleyJanuary 2, 2018 at 11:24 AM

      Thank you so for reading my blog and for your kind words. It means more than you know. Big hugs. <3

      Delete
  2. UnknownJune 25, 2018 at 2:35 AM

    Good

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJune 30, 2018 at 9:33 PM

    I cried reading the story about your daughter's passing. God bless you and your family. I hope that you were able to find closure and peace. Sending some positive vibes your way

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownJune 30, 2018 at 9:35 PM

    I cried reading the story about your daughter's passing God bless you and your family I hope that you were able to find closure and peace. Sending some positive vibes your way

    ReplyDelete
  5. Celeste WatsonJuly 3, 2019 at 2:23 AM

    Hi Ashley, I completely relate to this post - it is SOSO hard to lose the places where we experienced love as a child. I had no idea until it was my reality, too. But I found it still lives in my dreams, and I'm often in my grandparent's house again in dreams - I love it when they happen.
    You've lived through so much loss already - I'm just wishing you peace and light and seeing everyone and every place you love in your dreams. ❤️

    ReplyDelete

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