I am a very forgiving person (some say too forgiving). I am
not sure why or if it really matters why, I just know being a forgiving person
also comes with a lot of pain. While I may be forgiving of friends and family,
some may not be forgiving of me. I am a people pleaser and always have been. I
don’t like it when people don’t like me, I hate it when someone is made at me,
I want to fix things and move forward stronger with friendships and family,
though I feel I am unique in this aspect.
I have had many friends come and go in my life and I know
this is a part of life. Sometimes it is because we grow apart, or move away or are
just not on the same track, whatever the reason it happens. For a long time it
was hard for me to accept when this happened. I always thought, why does this
have to happen, why can’t we just remain friends even when life happens and
things change? Many factors are usually at play when a friendship dissolves. It
is never simple.
For me personally I feel the reason I forgive is because if something
were to happen to them or to me I would not want there to be regrets. I live with many regrets in my life and a lot
of it has to do with forgiveness.
I have friendships that are very unique. I have a friend I
have known since we were 4 years old. We
may not talk often, but I know she would be there if I needed her and has been
there for me at times that I felt I had no one to turn to for help. I have a friend I have known since 1st grade and was reunited with when we were 21 through the friend I have known since I was 4. They are beautiful inside and out. I have a friend
I have known 20 years, she has supported me in everything I do and will always
be willing to kick someone’s ass for me. She has been around for all the good
and all the bad. We started out on very rocky terms, but I can't imagine her not in my life. She inspires me to live life and do things that scare me and have fun. I have a friend that was a former marine wife. We went through
things together that bonded us forever. She flew out the day after Mckenna died despite having 6 week old twins and a 2 year old at home. She may live in a different state, but
we always pick up right where we left off. She is a gift to me in so many ways. I have a friend that has seen the dark side with me and understands this grief journey when many do not. We have laughed together, cried together and we share the bond of having a dead child/children. It is a bond we wish we did not share. I have friends that are older than
me that have been a huge piece of my growth and becoming. Without these beautiful souls who have cheered me on, help guide me in this grief journey, held me while I cried, and laughed with me in embarrassing moments I don't know where I would be. Despite my flaws they all still love me. I love them and would go to the ends
of the earth for each and every one of my friends.
When things get hard, when life happens and things change,
when there is a misunderstanding try and remember that life is short and either
you or they could be gone tomorrow. If you feel it is too big to forgive try
anyway, don’t live with regrets in your life. The friendship may not be saved, but
it does not need to end of bad terms. If you or they die tomorrow then at least there is peace of mind
that you parted ways peacefully with better understanding of each other. Talk,
communicate hurt feelings, be vulnerable, ask for forgiveness, show
forgiveness, be genuine and authentic, you never know the gifts that can come from loving one another despite the challenges and flaws of each other and your friendship. Love big or go home…
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