Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I am just..............ME
There are people that come into your life and they change you forever. They open their hearts and soul to you and are in your life at just the right moment. Sometimes those relationships are just that, in the right moment. I have some of the most amazing people in my life. The people who love me unconditionally and love me for ME, ALL of me. I don't come with terms and conditions. There are times in my life that I can't live the way others feel I SHOULD be living. I can only live for the life that I AM living. I wake up everyday to an empty apt, I go to work, I go to school, I "live" my life the best way I can. Even though it has been over 3 1/2 years since Mckenna, I STILL grieve for her. I am STILL consumed with her because she was my daughter, IS my daughter. Many can not imagine losing a child. Many can not imagine going through what I and what others are living everyday. Sometimes I can't believe I am living this life myself.
I am who I am and that is all I can be, just accept me for ALL of me.
ALL of me includes Mckenna, ALL of me includes my sad days,
ALL of me includes my joyful days, ALL of me includes my crazy days.
I am who I am because of Mckenna,
I am who I am because of my struggles,
I am who I am because I have worked DAMN hard.
I am grateful for all the things in my life, my family and friends, my home, my car, the food in my fridge, my clothes, living in America. Though I lack the one thing I would give it all up for, MCKENNA. Day in and day out I MISS her. I would give every friend, relationship, circumstance up to have her in my arms again. But since this will not happen while I am still breathing, I cherish the people in my life that stick around through the ups and the downs, ESPECIALLY the downs. Many are not aware of how hard I am working to try and work through this crazy life of grief. It's not just grief, it's the grief of losing my daughter. I can no longer worry about what others think of my grief, because it is NOT their grief it's MINE. I still wake up everyday and do what I gotta do to "live" life and be who I am and always will be. I have come a long way, and to those who have stuck around I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to those who have disappeared, well there are no words..........I am just ME and nothing else.