Imagine for a Moment

Just imagine for a moment you wake up one morning with your beautiful, healthy, full of life baby girl. The day goes on like it is supposed to. Then suddenly you make a decision that will change your life FOREVER. You turn a TV too far and it falls on your precious child. You pull your lifeless child from under this massive television knowing in your heart that she won't survive this.

   Just imagine for a moment holding your beautiful baby girl with tubes coming out of every part of her body knowing these were the last moments you are going to hold your baby while her heart was still beating. Then the doctor coming in telling you " we have been watching her heart on the monitor and we think it has stopped, so I am going to check" she places the stethoscope on her tiny chest and looking you into your eyes with tears in her eyes saying "she's gone".

   Just imagine for a moment rocking your baby girl one last time singing to her telling her how sorry you are. Holding her cold hand in your hand not wanting to say goodbye but wanting to join her.

   Just imagine for a moment walking out of a hospital without your child that you woke up with that morning. Going to bed not giving her, her bath, feeding her, her bottle, putting her in her crib kissing her good night. Not waking up the next morning to her talking baby talk in her crib but waking up to silence not wanting to wake up.

Its all unimaginable even written in words. So many mothers and fathers have had to experience their own story of holding their child knowing it was going to be the last time they will hold them, see them, kiss them. It is a life that no one would want to live. So Just imagine for a moment what it must be like for bereaved parents who don't have their children in their arms. Take a moment to mention their child/children names and remember them because we don't "move on" we "don't forget" we feel it everyday and we think of them EVERYDAY. You don't know what it would mean to us for someone to randomly mention their child's name. Love yours and cherish them because you never know if you wouldn't have to IMAGINE it and you would HAVE to LIVE it.

MISSing ALWAYS
<3 Mckenna Jodell Fox <3
12/27/07-09/27/08

Comments

Closing the Book of my Childhood...

Growing up I went to my Nana and Papa's house frequently. She would keep us weeks at a time in the summers. Nana was for a grandmother but also didn't take any back talk or attitude. When I was 10 years old, I moved in with Nana and Papa. My room was downstairs, without a door and had the washer and dryer in the room. Eventually they put on saloon like doors for a little privacy. I lived there until I turned 13. Big years living with your grandparents. Vital years really, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I always felt connected to my Nana. We were a lot a like. I still wonder what she would think of me now and how I turned out. I would help around the property, help plant cactus (and laugh hysterically together after because we were so sweaty and gross), helped feed the animals, water the trees, water the plants, ride my bike all the time. I actually played out doors every day. Sometimes I was allowed to eat ice cream for dinner when no one wanted to c...

Life, Reflecting and Loving Myself

I may have been built from the fire but I was also lost in the fire . I have been reflecting a lot on my life and where I am today. A few months back I wanted to join the Glendale Fire Crisis Response team again. I felt I was ready to do what I feel I am meant to be doing. I was finally able to do the ride along in Dec and it felt good to be back on the van. I knew it would be a different experience this time around. As an intern it almost killed me (literally). I had the interview and I was picked to join the team again. Again it felt right and felt like “home” to be at the fire station and being part of the team again. They have training classes and in one of the classes I was drowning in memories. Personally I have had the crisis response team show up for 3 different family members and all very traumatic circumstances. I was drowning in the memories of the calls I went on as an intern. All 8 hours of the class I was trying to swim through the memories without them taki...

12 Things I've Learned (so far) Since Becoming a Mama Again

It's been one year since becoming a mother again. A mother to a living child and what a year it's been. I never thought I would get the chance to be a mom again. I honestly thought we would be childless and look at Emerson almost daily and think, I can't believe we have a child. Emerson has been such a gift. He brings so much light into my world. I have grown and learned so much since he was born. It's been a year of a lot of growth, trial and error, figuring out what works for me as a mom and how I want to mother. Thought I would share 12 things I have learned this year with my sweet boy. In no particular order.... 1. You can plan and have all the ideas of how you want things to go but those plans don't always go the way you had hoped and you sometimes have to pivot from the plan and learn what works and that's OK. 2. No two babies are the same so no two ways work the same for one child as it did for another. 3. Society "norms" can shove it where th...

Ladybug Landing

Search This Blog