Ladybug Landing

What is it like to attend a memorial service for a patient? What is it like to attend your very first memorial service since Mckenna’s death? How do you look at a broken hearted momma in the eyes for the first time after caring for their daughter? It isn’t easy going to a patient’s memorial, especially a young girl who died so young. It is especially difficult when it is your first service since the death of your own daughter. I chose to go to the service held at PCH since I could not attend the funeral because I needed to hug her mom. It was all I could think about since I heard the news of her daughters death. I saw her open the door and my heart dropped; there she was broken hearted, with such sad eyes. I sat there holding my breath trying to hold my tears as I watched her sob in the arms of people who loved her daughter and loved her. I finally gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, I know you are overwhelmed, just take it one min at a time sometimes one second when that is ...

(At least trying) How has my voice become so silenced? When did I let fear of judgment take over? Why did I allow what others think of me control my thoughts and actions? My life has been a roller coaster ride for many years now, and I am not sure how I let others influence me so much. Almost 3 ½ years ago my life was forever changed. I never thought I would never survive the death of Mckenna. But here I am and doing the best I can. I live on my own, I own my own car, I work full time, and go to school full time. Yes I have rough days, yes I cry, yes I am sad, but is that really a bad thing? Is 3 ½ years too long to “still” have really rough days? I think the answer to that question is NO!!! Many people have told me they couldn’t imagine losing a child. They would just die if one of their children died. What do you think that tells someone who’s child has died?? I often wonder what they would REALLY do if one of their children died. How would they be if they were in my sh...