As I lay in the grass with Mckenna I stare up at the sky. I turn to look at the clouds that seem to be forming as I lay there. I watch as it takes shape and changes little by little. I close my eyes and when I open them it has completely changed. Clouds remind me of life and how fast it can change, clouds can make a sunny day into a dark day, a dark day into a sunny day, a calm day into a stormy day. I am reminded that this is a lot like grief. In one minute you could be having a sunny day when all the sudden the clouds roll in turning your day dark. The wind starts blowing, the rain starts to come down. your afraid you will drown, but just as quickly as it came it is gone. The rain stops, the wind dies down and the clouds slowly disappear letting the sunshine thru until the next storm blows in. Storms come and go and sometimes after a storm it leaves a beautiful sunset reminding you to look at the beauty that the storm can bring, as painful as the storm was it leaves behind a gift. Hold on to those gifts and treasure them till the next storm rolls around and places a new gift in your hands.
I have often thought about the analogy of trees and wind. Trees need to be flexible when the winds blow or they would break and not survive the storm. Rigid, stubborn trees trying hard to go against the wind grow tired, weary and broken. Fluid and flexible trees go with the flow of the wind, bending and bouncing back after a storm. When I began my journey of becoming a social worker I was the stubborn rigid tree trying hard to control everything around me falling apart in the process. This became more of a challenge than allowing the wind to do what it does and go with whatever direction it goes. It was exhausting. I would come unhinged quickly, shut down and not stay with my emotions. Friends have told me that they saw it happen right before their eyes. 2 years ago I started the MSW program. I was fragile, unstable, rigid, shut down, broken and lost. I never thought the day would come for me to get my Master’s. Graduation felt like a million years away. Every class...
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